It’s been a while since I posted anything here. I’ve been distracted, and trying to come to terms with Life After Ted. It has been almost four months since he died, and to be honest I’m still struggling. Whatever those “terms” are, I don’t like them.

It’s interesting that I’ve found myself wanting to change things. Nothing huge or life-changing, but cosmetic stuff. I had granite countertops installed in the kitchen, something Ted and I had agreed to do months before. I changed the drawer pulls in the kitchen and bathrooms. I moved plants around. I rearranged the living room furniture.

The biggest change was to the front of the house. I had some overgrown bushes removed and did a bit of landscaping. I’m not finished there yet, but it’s coming along.

I’ve been thinking about why I have this urge to change, and I think I finally figured it out. I’m doing okay (really), but in general everything feels…strange. Ted’s absence has left me feeling like something’s wrong. Something’s missing. And I want to make it better. These changes represent some sort of progress to me, like a step forward or something. They might be small changes, but when they’re done and I stand back and look, I feel like I’ve taken a step forward.

Am I weird? Have you gone through something like this? I’d love to hear from you.

And in the meantime, I hope you’ll agree the front of the house looks better! Max thinks so too.