For those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, navigating the holidays can be like tiptoeing through a landmine. Three big ones come one right after another – Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s. BAM! BAM! BAM! Memories erupt unexpectedly, and some feel like punches in the gut.

I lost my husband, Ted, in July. Since then the holiday season has loomed ahead of me like a gigantic dark storm cloud on the horizon, rushing toward me with hurricane force. I’ve always loved the last six weeks of the year, but this year is be different. I’m alone.

In September I survived what would have been our 33rd wedding anniversary by leaving the country. The day was still sad, but I was in a completely unfamiliar location, one Ted and I had never visited together. So it was…tolerable.

That’s when I came up with my Holiday Survival Strategy: DO SOMETHING NEW!

Since the kids grew up and had families of their own, Thanksgiving has been fairly low-key. Ted and I would spend it at home, sometimes with a couple of family members, and sometimes by ourselves. Not this year! I went to my sister’s home in Florida, along with a bunch of family – twenty-one in all! Including my 3 month old great nephew. It was an awesome Thanksgiving, totally unlike my recent years. Ted would have loved it! I did have a few sad moments, just like our anniversary, but being surrounded by multiple generations of family was awesome and, in some ways, healing.

The next big holiday is Christmas. BAM! That was a very special day for Ted and me. When the kids were little, we would get up early on Christmas and open presents and see what Santa brought. Then they would go to their father’s family and Ted and  would spend the day alone together. (Christmas is special to me and Ted for another reason, which I’ll tell you about in another post.)

This year I’ll spend Christmas Eve at my mom’s house. I’ll get up Christmas morning and have breakfast with Mom, my stepfather Gary, my sister Beth and her family. Then I’ll head down to my son’s house, and spend the night there. THEN my grandson Lyam and I will fly to Salt Lake to spend a few days with my daughter and grandson Dominic!

Now, New Year’s Day could be especially hard. That is Ted’s birthday. A great big BAM! I might take a few blows to the gut, but I won’t do it alone. I’ll be surrounded by family. My two grandsons will be with me – Dominic and Lyam – and then we’ll have dinner with my mom and other family.

So…I’m hopeful that the holidays won’t be too sad because I’m DOING SOMETHING NEW!

I hope your holiday season is delightful and without sadness or tears